How to Calm Down Anxiety When Your Brain is in Overdrive
We
all experience anxiety and stress, and that’s a good thing. If we
didn’t, we would not be human and would be unable to protect ourselves
and our loved ones from danger.
For example, imagine that while driving you notice another car speeding, looking like it was going to run a stoplight. If you get anxious and experience a “flight or flight” reaction of what could happen, you will react quickly by stepping on the brake and might very well avoid an accident!
Although the above example shows that anxiety can be a friend in times of danger, often anxiety is maladaptive when it goes on overdrive long after the threat of danger is over. Some people cannot get themselves back to a calmer baseline as anxiety remains high – even though there is no longer any objective threat.
Anxiety on overdrive can make us actually feel sick, can cause us to hyperventilate, our hearts to race, while disturbing our concentration and our sleep and even can cause panic attacks.
Most often anxiety results from not actual threats, but our exaggerated fears of what might happen. When we are overly anxious, danger lurks in our minds and not from the outside.
“It would be awful if I goof up” “If I lose this job I might never get another job.” “If she leaves me, I couldn’t handle it.” “If I say something stupid in the meeting, people will think I’m stupid.” “It would be terrible if I make a mistake.” “I’m nervous that he’ll get angry at me.” “I can’t mess this up.”
Fears are usually more specific and realistic, while anxiety results more from our exaggerated thinking. Exaggerated thoughts of possible rejection, humiliation and failure lead to low self-esteem and extreme stress.
Getting caught up in “what ifs” rob us of a sense of self-empowerment and make us feel at the mercy of people and situations. No wonder why anxiety on overdrive leads to the development of anxiety disorders, such as generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and social anxiety disorder.
How about you? Do you find your self-talk increases your anxiety more than it calms you down? Do you worry about things that are not really in your control, no matter how much you try?
The following are some ways to calm yourself when you find your anxiety is on overdrive.
When we are anxious, we tend to tense up, leading to rapid and shallow breathing. Using deep calming breaths can help us immediately calm down our physiological response to our racing thoughts. Deep breathing involves diaphragmatic breathing.
Breathe slowly though your nose and release your breaths slowly through your mouth. Consciously extend your abdomen while taking deep breaths instead of taking shallow chest breaths.
How can you tell if you are breathing deeply? Put one hand on your stomach and one hand on your chest – when you breath in, the hand on your stomach should be moving up and down while the hand on the chest stays relatively still.
To help concentrate on your breathing, imagine a color as you breathe in and out.
Count slowly either forwards or backwards for up to the count of 10 as you breath in and as you release your breath.
Use a mantra you repeat on each breath, such as the word RELAX or CALM.
When we believe our distortions, we cannot separate fact from fiction. Only by changing your thoughts can you change your feelings and quell excessive anxiety.
It is hard to “calm down” when your thinking is out of control! These are some things that might help you take charge of your thoughts:
Identify cognitive distortions. These are unhealthy thought habits that cause emotional distress.
Types of Distortions include:
Using this technique, make up three columns on paper or on your computer:
In the first column, write your anxiety-provoking thoughts, such as, “I’ll be alone the rest of my life.”
In the second column, write the type of distortion. In this example, it would be all-or-nothing thinking and fortune telling.
In the third column, write a more rational and factual alternative such as, “I feel alone right now but that does not mean I will never find anyone – it is up to me to keep being open to new relationships.”
When you “defuse” your thoughts, you look at them and observe them instead of looking from them, as if they were fused to your mind.
An example of cognitive defusion is changing “I am a loser” to “There I go again having the thought that I am a loser.” Notice in the first statement you believe the thought is true, and in the other you look at the thought.
Using visualizations to distance your thoughts can be helpful. For example imagine each anxious thought on various leaves in a stream, and watch them as they float away and disappear. Or imagine the thoughts written on clouds in the sky and watch them from afar instead of looking from them .
Mindfulness rather is a practice that doesn’t isolate you from the world, but rather one that makes you more aware of yourself and the world in the present.
Simply put, mindfulness is the practice of nonjudgmental awareness.
Mindfulness is the experience of staying in the NOW.
When you are mindful, you accept things as they are, without judging whether they are good or bad, or how things “should” be.
When you are mindful, you are open with your five senses to the world as it is, without distractions and rumination about the past or anxieties about the future.
Being mindful is with a “beginner’s mind” experience the present as if you were experiencing it for the first time.
Writing things down on paper or on the computer helps you crystallize and eliminate unhealthy ways of thinking, replacing them with healthier alternatives.
By writing out your thoughts, you will gain the objectivity needed to recognize and change unhealthy perceptions.
Writing your thoughts down makes you face them and keep focused. It makes your thoughts and issues tangible in the real world rather than in the recesses of your mind.
Writing helps problems become more solvable. Just like with many math or physics equations, some problems are just too complex to figure out in your head.
Positivity is a choice and reminding yourself of what you have to be grateful for will limit negativity and out-of-control thoughts.
Positive People are empowered and limit anxiety by focusing on how they are in control of their emotions instead of feeling like victims.
When you focus on what you are grateful for instead of life’s “what ifs,” your focus is grounded on reality rather then what could happen or shouldn’t happen.
Consider keeping a gratitude journal and enter at least a couple entries each day of what you are grateful for. This grateful perspective is not compatible with anxiety on overdrive as a positive and grateful attitude creates mental calmness.
When you are anxious, reaching out for support and help can be very calming:
Berating yourself for being too anxious, for example, will only put kerosene on the fire of your anxiety.
Use self-compassion to be kind and nurturing to yourself. Instead of thinking “I am an idiot for getting so worked up,” reassure yourself as you would a friend with words such as “I don’t blame you for being so anxious – you’ve gone through a lot and I have faith I will get through it stronger and wiser.”
Replace words of discouragement into words of encouragement.
Instead of shaming yourself for being so anxious, show yourself some love and unconditional acceptance.
And last but not least, literally give your self a big bear hug!
For example, imagine that while driving you notice another car speeding, looking like it was going to run a stoplight. If you get anxious and experience a “flight or flight” reaction of what could happen, you will react quickly by stepping on the brake and might very well avoid an accident!
Although the above example shows that anxiety can be a friend in times of danger, often anxiety is maladaptive when it goes on overdrive long after the threat of danger is over. Some people cannot get themselves back to a calmer baseline as anxiety remains high – even though there is no longer any objective threat.
Anxiety on overdrive can make us actually feel sick, can cause us to hyperventilate, our hearts to race, while disturbing our concentration and our sleep and even can cause panic attacks.
Most often anxiety results from not actual threats, but our exaggerated fears of what might happen. When we are overly anxious, danger lurks in our minds and not from the outside.
“It would be awful if I goof up” “If I lose this job I might never get another job.” “If she leaves me, I couldn’t handle it.” “If I say something stupid in the meeting, people will think I’m stupid.” “It would be terrible if I make a mistake.” “I’m nervous that he’ll get angry at me.” “I can’t mess this up.”
Fears are usually more specific and realistic, while anxiety results more from our exaggerated thinking. Exaggerated thoughts of possible rejection, humiliation and failure lead to low self-esteem and extreme stress.
Getting caught up in “what ifs” rob us of a sense of self-empowerment and make us feel at the mercy of people and situations. No wonder why anxiety on overdrive leads to the development of anxiety disorders, such as generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and social anxiety disorder.
How about you? Do you find your self-talk increases your anxiety more than it calms you down? Do you worry about things that are not really in your control, no matter how much you try?
The following are some ways to calm yourself when you find your anxiety is on overdrive.
1. Use deep calming breaths
Deep breathing is one of the most immediate steps you can take to calm anxiety.When we are anxious, we tend to tense up, leading to rapid and shallow breathing. Using deep calming breaths can help us immediately calm down our physiological response to our racing thoughts. Deep breathing involves diaphragmatic breathing.
Breathe slowly though your nose and release your breaths slowly through your mouth. Consciously extend your abdomen while taking deep breaths instead of taking shallow chest breaths.
How can you tell if you are breathing deeply? Put one hand on your stomach and one hand on your chest – when you breath in, the hand on your stomach should be moving up and down while the hand on the chest stays relatively still.
To help concentrate on your breathing, imagine a color as you breathe in and out.
Count slowly either forwards or backwards for up to the count of 10 as you breath in and as you release your breath.
Use a mantra you repeat on each breath, such as the word RELAX or CALM.
2. Identify distorted thinking
Most of our anxiety arises from our panicky thoughts that exaggerate danger, basically lying to us that awful things could very well happen.When we believe our distortions, we cannot separate fact from fiction. Only by changing your thoughts can you change your feelings and quell excessive anxiety.
It is hard to “calm down” when your thinking is out of control! These are some things that might help you take charge of your thoughts:
Identify cognitive distortions. These are unhealthy thought habits that cause emotional distress.
Types of Distortions include:
- All-or-nothing thinking, over-catastrophized thinking –“I can’t stand it “
- Fortune telling – “I’ll never get over this!”
- Mind reading –“He’s must hate me!”
- Labeling – “I’m a loser.”
- Shoulding – “I shouldn’t be so sensitive “
Using this technique, make up three columns on paper or on your computer:
In the first column, write your anxiety-provoking thoughts, such as, “I’ll be alone the rest of my life.”
In the second column, write the type of distortion. In this example, it would be all-or-nothing thinking and fortune telling.
In the third column, write a more rational and factual alternative such as, “I feel alone right now but that does not mean I will never find anyone – it is up to me to keep being open to new relationships.”
3. Practice cognitive defusion
Another way to distance yourself from your unhealthy thoughts causing extreme anxiety is to practice cognitive defusion techniques developed by Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) founder Steven Hayes.When you “defuse” your thoughts, you look at them and observe them instead of looking from them, as if they were fused to your mind.
An example of cognitive defusion is changing “I am a loser” to “There I go again having the thought that I am a loser.” Notice in the first statement you believe the thought is true, and in the other you look at the thought.
Using visualizations to distance your thoughts can be helpful. For example imagine each anxious thought on various leaves in a stream, and watch them as they float away and disappear. Or imagine the thoughts written on clouds in the sky and watch them from afar instead of looking from them .
4. Be mindful
Most people think of mindfulness as the act of sitting quietly with eyes closed, breathing deeply in a meditative state. However, meditation practice is just one example of mindfulness.Mindfulness rather is a practice that doesn’t isolate you from the world, but rather one that makes you more aware of yourself and the world in the present.
Simply put, mindfulness is the practice of nonjudgmental awareness.
Mindfulness is the experience of staying in the NOW.
When you are mindful, you accept things as they are, without judging whether they are good or bad, or how things “should” be.
When you are mindful, you are open with your five senses to the world as it is, without distractions and rumination about the past or anxieties about the future.
Being mindful is with a “beginner’s mind” experience the present as if you were experiencing it for the first time.
5. Write it out
Whether you keep a journal or occasionally write out your thoughts, writing can be very therapeutic. These are some reasons why writing can be so helpful in quelling your anxiety on overdrive.Writing things down on paper or on the computer helps you crystallize and eliminate unhealthy ways of thinking, replacing them with healthier alternatives.
By writing out your thoughts, you will gain the objectivity needed to recognize and change unhealthy perceptions.
Writing your thoughts down makes you face them and keep focused. It makes your thoughts and issues tangible in the real world rather than in the recesses of your mind.
Writing helps problems become more solvable. Just like with many math or physics equations, some problems are just too complex to figure out in your head.
6. Stay grateful and positive
When you are optimistic and have an “attitude of gratitude,” it is hard to feel too anxious.Positivity is a choice and reminding yourself of what you have to be grateful for will limit negativity and out-of-control thoughts.
Positive People are empowered and limit anxiety by focusing on how they are in control of their emotions instead of feeling like victims.
When you focus on what you are grateful for instead of life’s “what ifs,” your focus is grounded on reality rather then what could happen or shouldn’t happen.
Consider keeping a gratitude journal and enter at least a couple entries each day of what you are grateful for. This grateful perspective is not compatible with anxiety on overdrive as a positive and grateful attitude creates mental calmness.
7. Don’t go it alone
Research has shown that those people are happier if they have a strong sense of social support.When you are anxious, reaching out for support and help can be very calming:
- Call a friend and share your upset.
- Seek professional help.
- Find one person with whom you can self-disclose.
8. Talk nicely to yourself
Anxiety is correlated with unhealthy thinking which often entails self-deprecation and self-criticism.Berating yourself for being too anxious, for example, will only put kerosene on the fire of your anxiety.
Use self-compassion to be kind and nurturing to yourself. Instead of thinking “I am an idiot for getting so worked up,” reassure yourself as you would a friend with words such as “I don’t blame you for being so anxious – you’ve gone through a lot and I have faith I will get through it stronger and wiser.”
Replace words of discouragement into words of encouragement.
Instead of shaming yourself for being so anxious, show yourself some love and unconditional acceptance.
And last but not least, literally give your self a big bear hug!
Why Am I Exhausted? The Real Causes and How to Fix It Forever
Do you say “I’m exhausted” all the time? Do you constantly feel exhausted for no reason?Fatigue shows up in many ways including pure exhaustion, the inability to concentrate, anger, frustration and behavioral issues, memory problems, decreased work performance, and slower reaction times. Chronic fatigue has also been linked to medical problems including obesity, hypertension, depression, diabetes, as well as increased automobile accidents.
We attempt to combat fatigue with coffee, sugar, energy drinks, vitamins and a variety of other products that claim to increase our energy and stamina. But what if your exhaustion is trying to tell you something?
If you’re getting enough sleep and you’re still feeling exhausted, it’s time to stop, take a step back and look at what else is contributing to your exhaustion.
As a life-coach and consultant with a diverse background, I like to look at things from a holistic view – from multiple levels – including your body, mind and spirit.
So before you reach for that next cup of coffee, the 3pm sugary snack or the toxic energy drink, let’s look at some other reasons why you might be tired all the time, and more importantly, what you can do about it.
Here are 11 potential reasons why you’re exhausted even when get enough rest, and what you can do about it.
1. You are out of alignment mentally, emotionally or spiritually.
Essentially, you’re off track with who you are and what works for you. Maybe you’re unhappy, unfulfilled, stressed out or just plain bored with some areas of your life. You might be in a relationship that isn’t working, a job you can’t stand or a situation that drains your energy.Think about a time in your life when you were in the flow, in the zone, and totally engaged and excited about what you were doing. How much sleep did you need then? Even after only a few hours, my guess is you probably found yourself jumping out of bed in the morning without an alarm clock, excited about embarking on the day.
On the flipside, think about a time in your life when you were in a relationship or job that zapped your energy. No matter how much sleep you got, you probably found it difficult to get out of bed in the morning and were tempted to hit that snooze button just a few more times.
We all have things that make us feel great and energized and things that completely zap our energy. Maybe you’re someone who likes to move quickly but you’re drowning in detail; maybe you’re someone who thrives when you are on top of things and you’re feeling like everything is completely out of control. Or maybe you thrive on spontaneity and variety and you’re bored with your life.
When I asked my 11-year-old daughter why she thought people are tired even when we get enough rest, here’s what she said.
“Maybe people are bored and so they’re tired.”Ever wonder why you can’t drag your kid out of bed for school on the weekdays but they pop out of bed on the weekend? Perhaps this is the culprit.
I had a client share this sentiment recently as she described a period of time in her life: “My boss sucked, the work was boring and it made me tired all the time.”
Exactly.
When you’re doing things that align with who you are, in environments that align with what you need, you will feel more energized and alive. On the contrary, when you’re in environments that go against your grain, you will feel drained and de-energized.
What can you do?
Take a step back and identify what’s not working. Figure out what you want and work towards it. Do things that give you energy.What makes you feel healthy and alive, energized and excited? What gets you in the flow and makes you feel most like you? Aim to get more of that in your life.
2. You are out of alignment physically.
When we are structurally out of alignment, it can cause all sorts of issues. When things aren’t moving properly, it makes it hard for your body to do its job. Not to mention, pain is exhausting and zaps energy. And we are pretty hard on our bodies, aren’t we? We drag them around and tell them what to do. They need to be taken care of too.Here’s what Chiropractor, Dr. Ruth Ziemba, who specializes in NSA (Network Spinal Analysis) has to say:
All of life is energy. We are energy. Any disturbance or blockages to the energy flow creates imbalances… Physical, mental and emotional stressors can cause subluxations (misalignment of the vertebrae) which interfere with signals getting clearly through your body. This can result in many health problems, including fatigue and insomnia.Recently, I was feeling tired all the time – and felt like I was doing “everything else” right. So, I went to see my chiropractor and a cranial sacral therapist. Two days later, I felt much more energized and clear in my head.
I love the analogy I was once given by a chiropractor: “It doesn’t matter how well you can play an instrument if the instrument is out of tune.”
Such is true with our bodies.
What can you do?
Get some body work. This might include getting a massage, acupuncture, chiropractic, reiki, cranial sacral therapy – anything that works for you.Don’t know where to start? Ask a friend or colleague for a recommendation. Even better if you have a friend in the field who can refer you to another practitioner. And make sure to schedule regular body work, not just when you need it.
3. You are not eating right (or enough).
What – and how much – you eat has a significant effect on your energy levels.While there are many different diet protocols, there is one thing all the experts can agree on: sugar and processed foods make you feel sluggish and exhausted. They make your blood sugar go haywire, causing you to feel a brief period of energy followed by a crash.
Paradoxically, those are the very things we reach for when we need a hit of energy.
What can you do?
I’ve found two things to be consistently true:One, you need to eat real, clean food. The food you’re putting into your body is either real or it’s not. Avoid processed foods and especially refined sugars. You’re going to feel so much better for it.
Two, find what works for YOU. Gluten-free, Paleo, Mediterranean, high-fat, plant-based, you name it. Experts and well-meaning friends and family may tell you what’s best, but no one knows your body as well as you do. Pay attention, do you feel energized or fatigued after you eat certain foods? What works – and what doesn’t for YOU? Our bodies have intrinsic wisdom if we are willing to listen – and hear them.
4. You are not really sleeping.
We’ve established that you’re (hopefully) getting enough sleep. But are you getting enough high-quality sleep?Some of the top causes of poor sleep quality include: being on electronics right before bed, interruptions, an uncomfortable mattress or the wrong pillow, grinding your teeth, an inconsistent sleep routine or the fact that you’re not getting through all of the sleep cycles.
What can you do?
Start with the basics:Get off your electronics at least an hour before bed, make sure you have a comfortable pillow and mattress, set a consistent sleep routine, reduce outside noise and sleep in a well-darkened room or wear an eye mask.
If you have difficulty falling asleep or have poor sleep quality, this guide will help you get a good night’s sleep back
5. You are stressed or worrying too much.
When you’re stressed, you produce more cortisol (the stress hormone), which can significantly affect your sleep.[1] This is why one of the common side effects of stress is sleep problems.On top of stress hormones, excessive worry can drain your energy. When you worry, you’re using energy. It’s like when you have an app on your phone that takes up a lot of battery and you have it constantly running the background, your battery will drain more quickly. Such is true with worry and stress.
I think of this very simply. We all start the day with 100 units of energy to use throughout the day. If you’re using half of your energy units worrying, you’re inevitably going to be tired.
What can you do?
Find things that reduce your stress levels. I’ve seen clients have great success with yoga, meditation and exercise. Worrying too much? Get a clear plan in place to take action on what’s worrying you.6. You are not breathing deeply enough.
Deep breathing increases circulation by bringing oxygen to your muscles and brain. This increased oxygen content in the bloodstream leads to greater energy and healthier muscles, organs and tissues.To highlight the benefits of deep breathing, I reached out to longtime Yoga Instructor & Ayurveda Wellness Counselor, Vivica Schwartz. Here’s what she shared:[2]
“Most people breathe in to the chest only (shallow breathing) and don’t allow the breath to reach deeper into the abdominal region, due to stress and anxiety. Shifting the breath down, so that it expands the belly (and all the muscles that comprise the diaphragm) is one of the best ways to shift our awareness, quiet the mind, release tension and increase our energy levels”.What happened when you started to read this one? Did you start breathing more deeply? Great, you’re already on your way.
What can you do?
Make a conscious effort to breathe deeply, more often. Try this from Vivica:- Place one hand on your chest and the other on your lower belly.
- Breath smoothly in and out through the nose, noticing how your breath expands three-dimensionally in the ribcage.
- Now begin to shift the inhalation into the lower abdomen first, so that the lower hand rises first, then fill the chest area.
- Reverse the process on the exhalation, emptying the chest area first, then the lower belly.
- Continue like this for a few rounds, visualizing the diaphragm contracting and pushing down and expanding the belly area.
7. You are hanging out with the wrong crowd.
Have you ever known someone who “sucks the life out of you”? After spending time together, you feel tired, drained and exhausted? “Energy vampires” do just that, they suck your energy. It doesn’t matter how much sleep you’re getting; if you’re spending time with people who drain your energy, you’re going to feel tired.What can you do?
Grab some garlic and your stake and ditch the energy vampires. Make a conscious effort to hang out with people who feed your soul and make you feel energized and alive.If you need a little help to spot these people out
8. You are not moving.
There’s been a lot of research conducted over many years that shows physical activity and exercise improves energy and decreases fatigue.In a widely acknowledged 2006 study published in Psychological Bulletin, researchers analyzed 70 studies on exercise and fatigue which involved more than 6,800 people. Over 90% of the studies showed the same thing: Sedentary people who completed a regular exercise program reported improved fatigue compared to those that did not exercise.
What can you do?
Get moving! Find ways to increase your exercise and movement. General guidelines are 150 minutes per week of moderate exercise or 75 minutes per week of vigorous activity (or a combination of the two). This can be as simple as taking the stairs instead of the elevator, walking 20 minutes a day or participating in a sport you enjoy.9. You are dehydrated.
The human body is composed of 50-65% water. Some parts of our bodies, like our brain, heart and lungs are more than 70% water. This means even mild dehydration can cause your energy levels to fall.Fatigue is a telltale sign you are dehydrated. In fact, in a survey of 300 doctors in the UK, 1 in 5 patients who saw their doctor for symptoms such as fatigue and tiredness simply weren’t drinking enough water.
What can you do?
First and foremost, drink enough water. A simple rule of thumb is eight 8-ounce glasses per day. And before you reach for your coffee in the morning, reach for a glass of water first.However, Doctor and hydration expert Dr. Zach Bush noted,
“Proper hydration is not simply infusing your body with water. More specifically, it’s about getting the water inside your cells. To do that, you need to improve the electrical charges across your cellular membranes. Strategies that improve the electrical charge across your membranes include: reducing EMF (electromagnetic field) exposure, increasing electrolytes, and boosting your fiber intake.”So, try this intensive hydration protocol: Drink 4 ounces of water every 30 minutes from 7am-7pm for 3 days. During this intense hydration, add electrolytes to every other 4-ounce dose. Then give your body a break from food and water between 7pm and 7am.
Learn more about intracellular hydration with Dr. Bush
10. You are too busy.
You know the saying, “If you want something done, ask a busy person.” I say, leave the busy person alone. They clearly have enough on their plate.I work with many clients, especially moms, who wonder why they are so tired all the time. When I ask them to tell me about “a day in their life”, I get something like this: 6am wake-up , exercise, get the kids off to school, work, drive to after-school activities, get dinner on the table, do hosework, coordinate schedules, bath and bed time (for the kids of course), and then back to work after the kids go to bed. And they wonder why they are tired?
I get it. I’ve been there and I have to be careful of this myself. As a working mom of three young girls, who also wants to be social and active in my community, I know all too well the life of being busy. I’ve had to reign it in, create strategies and make very conscious decisions.
What can you do?
Look at your life as an outside observer or “fly on the wall”. What do you notice? Maybe you need to learn to say no? Perhaps you need to take a step back and identify what’s most important? Or set better boundaries?Perhaps you need to delegate more, outsource or just get some stuff off YOUR plate! Take just ONE thing and start from there.
11. There is something else going on.
If you’ve tried everything above, you are getting enough sleep and you are still tired, you may want to see your doctor or healthcare professional to uncover any underlying issues.Amongst other things, what leads to exhaustion could be medication side effects and other health concerns including thyroid and adrenal dysfunction, anemia and sleep apnea.
What can you do?
Talk to your doctor. Seriously. Make an appointment.If you’re sleeping enough and doing all the “right” things above and you still feel tired, it’s important to identify what could be the cause.
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